This is a post about male sexuality and heterosexual man/woman relationships. I have been thinking about this both because of what we see in (bad versions of) Islam and other religions and what I have learned about some serial killers from Dr. Todd Grande on youtube (who seemed to be milking his format now but ok), who described how sexually frustrated men hating women end up abusing and killing them. It is a concern that some men develop into risks for women or that a culture can become fundamentally abusive and I wanted to see if there is an angle by which you can reduce or neutralize the risk of development in this direction.
Men can be unguided missiles
A man will have sexual desires. Those desires are not constant and can be modulated by the actual situation the man finds himself in. The more love he feels the lower his sex drive. This love can occur in a healthy relationship with a woman. The more love a man feels the more respect he will have for whatever he loves, because love makes one view others as part of one’s self. This is the best outcome if a man goes through life. He may have children with the woman he loves and those will be protected by him as well.
If a man is unlucky however, he misses or ignores one ability that makes all the difference. He does not court a woman, nor does he court ‘the world’ (practice). This can be because he views himself to be worthless or views women to be worthless or both. His self worth may have been damaged by stark rejections or by his parents. He may be mentally incapable of behaving in an attractive way or he may not have felt love in his life. Many factors can contribute to a lack of showing off his control over himself and the world in order to impress a woman (we’re speaking heterosexual individuals still).
To court is to do something that you hope will attract female attention and approval. The woman is free and remains free.
If the man does not court he is not likely to gain interest of women. In some cases the man is so attractive he just doesn’t need to do anything (in such cases the man can actually be a real jerk Baudetughe!). But in cases he is not he is now relegated to do something else, because his sex drive still tells him to focus on certain things, that promise to satisfy him sexually. Here his other main talent comes into play. The hunting behaviours. This includes stalking, objectifying, being secretive or indirect looking for weakness in the woman, etc. etc. There is no show put on for the woman, the man wants the woman to be unaware. Any final approach of a woman will overlap with a mental pattern of “going for the kill”. The soul of the woman does not matter. Rape or murder may be the outcome.
I think, and I may be too simplistic in my reasoning, that to make men safe for women, it is essential they focus on exploring courtship behaviour. For that the woman must be available to be courted. If the male sexual desire emerges and it is hard to try out ways to impress or gain access to women, the man will become frustrated and this in turn may make him choose the stalking type approach, also because he may be afraid of women and certainly does not feel women are like him and should be treated with the same respect as he treats himself.
I think we can see in every culture what the general exposure of women to men is, and the behaviour will accordingly be more stalky or more courting. Of course as aside effect of a courting society men try to impress other men. A society where men mostly hang out amongst other men this can lead its own life. But at least it is not harmfull behaviour (unless the leader starts to make the men aggressive for his own ends Hitler/Baudetuche!). In some cultures the men clearly don’t try to impress the woman but impress the men under who’s care the women lives. The women is basically traded. Women from such male dominated societies sometimes really expect a man to give instructions. They live silent separate lives (apart from the sex) and do not actually care about the man, even though they do all the things he wants from them.
There should always be a way for both sexes to be attractive to each other. If one dominates the other this leads to a spiral of abuse because the men will be frustrated and want to assert their physical strength. Some cultures end up institutionalizing this abusive balance
I think that if a man shows stalking behaviour he should be made aware and be asked or incouraged to court (not a specific woman but in general). This will actually raise his self esteem and confidence. Now he might still be a psycho so this is a highly laymen level analysis, but I wanted to share it. If you are a man and find yourself peeking at woman’s part (creeping basically) try to do something courteous. Of course you’re still left with questions of what would be the thing to do, and for that knowledge also the relationship between men and women must be relaxed…
Women should encourage men to court them in order to keep their minds in the right place. If the men don’t get a women at least they do something that others can appreciate.
In industrialized countries a new way for dominance over all people emerges : People are unable to produce what they need themselves, they are in cities far removed from for example farmland that produce the food they need. Their lives are molded and channeled by constant instructions from media that is payed to distract them from their own lives. The dislocation of agency and potential is immense. Industry (as an organization in which people cooperate to make products) in the mean time does know what it wants : More able workers. The figures and indicators will show : better workers means more product for less money, meaning more profit! The people who are participating in an unreliable way (they can get fired) can not contest this logic, even if it is inhuman, and are forced to be an agent for it. This leads (amongst other things) to the idea that an unborn child is of value and should be born even if the mother objects. Lawmakers that have been completely brainwashed by industrial thinking have given way to this kind of dominance in Texas recently. This is not male dominance but industrial dominance where industrial thinking is more or less parasitical on both humans and the environment!
Industry is like a separate species humans aid and embody because they need comfort. By its principles industry tries to take comfort away from individuals that do not serve it!
We see that to make sure this industrial dominance does not happen the persons involved need to express their courting behaviours. They need to have them. They can not be bland accountants in suits. Those individuals are examples of where the need to escape punishment (by a overbearing parent or by their own ambitions) has defeated self expression. It is well known psychopathy is frequent in leaders of industry, meaning they do not care about other people. It may be a good heuristic to require them show courting personalities, but also the product must court, the company as a whole must court. Rejection should end a company. It seems this spectrum between courting and stalking may be a good way to direct us towards a better world with more happy people.
All the above taken into account, some individuals are schizophrenic to a level that they really don’t know or feel the same way about the world or themselves from one moment to the other. It is entirely possible such person will be courteous but shift to total psycho when triggered. Ted Bundy comes to mind. So the above is just for inspiration and maybe guidance when it comes to otherwise normal men.